


Dumbledoor and the Very Important Mission

by M1dn1ght_Star



Series: Dumbledoor Crack Series [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Being an Idiot, Dumbles attempting to steal, Dumbles is a druggie, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Hallucination mushrooms, Mushrooms, References to Addiction, References to a legendary song, Severus is done TM, special mushrooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28317876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M1dn1ght_Star/pseuds/M1dn1ght_Star
Summary: Snape: I do not get paid enough for thisMcGonagall: What, you think anyone could be paid enough for this *points at Dumbledoor, passed out on the ground in front of her office*Snape: *considers* no you're right. I'm going to retire.McGonagall: Not again *tries to convince Snape not to retire and hide in a tiny cottage somewhere*
Series: Dumbledoor Crack Series [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053173
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Dumbledoor and the Very Important Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays all! Enjoy an episode of the life of Dumbledoor :)

Dumbledoor crept around the corner slowly, looking from side to side and not spotting anything unusual through his extra dark sunglasses. He nodded to himself and pulled out an enormous spray can from his pocket, unfolding the can until it stood as tall as he was. Muttering a spell to return the can to its usual state, Dumbledoor pushed the button on the top of the can and filled the hallway with thick fumes.

Glowing lights appeared, floating in the middle of the air without any support. Rats! Severus had gotten a better security system after the last time Dumbles had ventured into his storeroom. Special mushrooms didn’t just grow on trees, where else was Dumbledoor going to get them? What Dumbles didn’t know was that these particular mushrooms did in fact grow on the side of trees...

Stretching out his limbs and wincing at the ridiculously loud pops they made, Dumbledoor proceeded to wildly dance and flail his way down the corridor, miraculously without triggering a single alarm. He gave a dramatic bow to his imaginary audience after reaching the end, failing to notice the stealth mode alarm until his nose ran right into it.

Blaring noise began, filling the entire dungeons with the sound of a man singing about never giving something up. Snape snickered from where he was sitting in his rooms, drinking a mug of extra strong black coffee. He’d been up late reading and decided to just not sleep at all, meaning he was now able to easily go and deal with Dumblefool.

Straightening his swoopy robes for maximum effectiveness, Snape stood up and strode out of his room, which was conveniently next to the storeroom. He was half expecting Dumbledoor to have made a run for it, but instead was greeted with the traumatizing sight of a half-naked Headmaster who was stuck with sap to the partially open door of his storeroom. Resolving to pour bleach on his eyes as soon as possible, Snape pointed his wand at Dumbledoor and levitated him away from the door. 

Spotting a bag held tightly in the old man’s hand, he pried it out of the sticky grasp of Dumbledoor and opened it to find a pile of Psilocybin mushrooms. Of course the old coot was after his hallucination drugs. Honestly, the man was such an addict it wasn’t even funny, and the mushrooms weren’t cheap either. 

Raising a disappointed eyebrow, Snape leveled the illustrious headmaster with a scathing look and confiscated his mushrooms, returning them to their rightful place in potion ingredient storage before levitating the still half-naked man through the halls with no small amount of glee. He dumped Dumbles outside McGonagall’s office with a sticking charm and shoved some doctored lemon drops in the man’s mouth, causing him to fall asleep within seconds. Returning to his quarters, Severus picked up the half-full mug of coffee and went over to a cabinet, pulling out a bottle of alcohol and emptying the contents into his nighttime drink. He didn’t get paid enough for this.


End file.
